09.30 ride Sunday 29th

Captain P

Ahoy me hearties

a turkey curry is only two mince pies
me thinks a miscalculation, maybe some lies

the pig sets sail at the usual 09.30
the sun is shining, should not get dirty

a steady 15-16 mph, for 30 -35 miles
get off the sofa , you start to grow piles

the gunners claimed, today they would restart
was it all wind , or just bile and fart

either way for the calories you must count
for a bulging waistline on the beach you will flount

35 miles , 4 curries or 7 mince pies
which is the biggest, your belly or your eyes ?

see you tomorrow
CP

FD

Gunner Dutchman restarted on Boxing Day
Did you forget my sprint blew Pete2 away?

Nothing to do with mince miles or curry
But wind assisted, I was in a hurry

A solo ride today, a few hilly miles
Enough, as you say, to loosen the piles

Not a fan of the hills, or anything lumpy
Extra ballast on board, felt like HumptyDumpty

After gorging on Christmas food and grog
The hills left me feeling sick as a dog

Turkey (not curried) and plenty of stuffing
Climbing around Weston had me huffing and puffing

Depending on wife, I'm gunner be out tomorrow
Once a pass from the Kraken I've begged, stolen or borrowed

So nothing too mad Cap'n, or anything silly
The gunners won't stand for a route that's too hilly!

FD

Captain P

in honour of the gunners and FD request
a route with no climbs , I hear your behest

yet last week the dutchman took the line with vigour
the gap with Pete2 could not have been much bigger

But a truce has been call, for winter is about base
its all about about building, not winning a race

spinning is required , no matter the terrain
all should be easy , a total absence of pain

so forget average speeds , or distances covered
the captain says easy , not just so your mothered

your aerobic capacity, with time it will build
come spring and summer, stamina will be filled

So here is the secret , come close and I will tell
the potion required, is in the Captain's new gel

with magic and training, none can surpass
Pete 2 can stop seeing the back of pirate ass

So smooth waters tomorrow, awaits the gunners return
for their company, all pirates do yearn

CP

AdamR

Should be there again.
Why no hills?
Wimpy Pirates?

FD

Excellent, a route that's nice and flat
To help burn off the Christmas fat

What more could Gunner Jake require
To tempt him from his rocking chair, by the fire?

And get him to finally remove his thumb
That's been stuck for too long up his, er, nose

So remove all the cobwebs, blow off the dust
Sail with the Pig, it's not **** or bust!

FD

FD

All welcome Adam, come along
Wimpy pirates? That's just wrong

It's not that we never go on the hills
But the gunners have been injured, on the pills

Broken bones, sprains and recently sore backs
We've seen less of our bikes and more of the quacks

We're gunner do this and gunner do that
With no form at all, it's easy to be sat

On the couch and watching the telly
Hands resting on an ever growing belly

Plenty to ponder and time to think
Of past rides, sipp another drink

Gunners just need to get back in the saddle
Talk of wimps is really just twaddle

We're here to encourage recovering crew
Get out on their bikes, not climb Ventoux

Forget all discussion of heart rates and zones
Come sail under the flag of skull and crossbones

We ride with a laugh and plenty of brio
As there's no chance of being selected for Rio

FD

Captain P

2 of the gunners, joined the pirate crew
a frosty start , but magnificent view

1 puncture , an incident and loose dogs
3rd gunner saying he's chopping logs

spotted Mr Adams twice ,was it , real
CCA has that eclectic feel

the bullet maker there for the taking
a wind up merchant no mistaking

coffee at the Maynards, bring your change
hospitality and baking, he will arrange

so once again we fly the jolly roger
the cabin boy, has become a lodger

next week I bring a new crew member
lets make it a pleasant ride to remember

Happy new year
CP

FD

Some of the above I don't recall
Hardly recognise the gist of it all

Bullet maker? Who's the chap
Is the Captain talking a load of nonsense?

Cabin Boy, another I don't recognise
What's been in Pugwash's mince pies?

Ice in the road, sun in the blue sky
It was a magical day, I tell you no lie

Two gunners returned, refound their desire
Cut Throat Jake stayed idle, beside his fire

Plenty of fun out on the ride
Some directed at my Rapha backside

Jokes a plenty and lots of good banter
The crew moved along at a reasonable canter

Climbing up Croydon was not such a thrill
And almost caused several guts to spill

Later on in the ride, again we felt sick
A touch of wheels, bang, went down Big Nick

And soon before that quite terrible juncture
We stood around freezing to mend a puncture

But soon after that crash and freezing stop
We arrived at the Maynard's, a new coffee shop

Where we recounted tales of our latest journey
And Richard told us about London and riding his derny

We all look forward to Cap'n's shiny new member
Was it a gift, on the 25th of December?

FD

Captain P

some content is from an afternoon chat
I apologise if this has left you flat

The person involved knows who he is
I think the rhyme did the requested Bis

I do however recall your Rapha bottom flap
it makes you look like such a fine chap

come all ye faithful is the merry song
FD likes to invite you to the golden gong

so yes the rhymes are becoming rather obtuse
comes from a week long on the happy juice

so back to normal now, new year beckons
time to sign off , enough me reckons

CP

FD

At tomorrow night when the clock strikes twelve
No longer will pirates into poet's corner delve

With this year's passing of Old Father Time
No more will you read of piratical rhyme

As you ring in fourteen with grog or beer
Alas (or at last?!) our ditty's disappear

During the annual hootenanny with Jools Holland
No more rhymes from Flailing Dutchman of Holland

But there'll still be fun and plenty of banter
On our Sunday rides,taken at a canter

With that we give you a hearty big cheer
And wish you all a healthy and Happy New Year!

FD